David Letterman:
"France wants more evidence [of Iraqi violations]".
"The last time France wanted more evidence, it rolled into Paris on German tanks!"

Dennis Miller:
"The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq."

Jay Leno:
"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq."
"After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!"

Rep. Roy Blunt, R-Mo.:
"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris?"
" It's not known, it's never been tried."

Rep. Blunt again:
"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was:
"Never shot. Dropped once."

John Xereas, manager of the DC Improv.:
"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in World War II? And that's because it was raining."

According to Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld:
"Going to war without the French is like going deer hunting without your accordion."

Unknown:
Raise your hand if you like the French. Raise both hands if you are French!

And even an unwitting French President Jacques Chirac had this to say:
"Going to war always means failure."